According to the teachings of yoga, attachment is a major cause of suffering. We come into this world with the misunderstanding or avidya (ignorance) that we are just body, mind and personality (or self). We spend a lifetime reinforcing that self – asmita (ego) – by clinging on to the people, places and things we like (raga) and moving away from those we have an aversion to (dvesha). Ultimately, we spend our life bouncing around between these two states. These kleshas, (afflictions of the mind), Patanjali tells us in the Yoga Sutras, are the root cause of our suffering as they are major obstacles to peace. Or, as the Gita says in sloka 2.44, “Those whose minds are swept away by the pursuit of pleasure and power are incapable of following the supreme goal and will not attain samadhi.”
It starts with a spark
Attachment starts with a spark of desire. We want something and as we move towards it, we obtain a sense of pleasure. The more we get, the more we want, and sometimes desire turns into longing or craving. This is where much addiction and obsession stems from, because we mistake these fleeting moments of joy for true happiness. We believe this feeling of joy comes from something outside of ourselves. We forget that the spark actually comes from within.
Fireflies
Fireflies are magnificent creatures that light themselves up. Their bodies contain luciferin, a compound which, combined with calcium, adenosine triphosphate (ATP), produces a chemical reaction that makes them the most efficient light in the world. But fireflies don’t illuminate because of outside sources; they don’t need to “plug in”, they ignite themselves of their own accord. This is what the yogic philosophy is trying to tell us. This is what our true state is. We, and only we, have the internal power and magic to connect to real, eternal, lasting happiness.
Remember who you are
The state of yoga carries the essence of completeness. It implies nothing lacks or is missing. While you cherish your loved ones, your favourite spots, they are not what fuels your inner light. Your essence inherently radiates brightness and yoga serves as a reminder of that truth.
That is why we need to practise consistently, over a long period of time. Like an athlete building strength, every time we pull in and remember who we are beyond the external world, we flex that muscle. Over time, the muscle builds and we rely on external things less and less to make us feel whole. You are light. You are love. That is your natural state and no one and nothing can take that away from you.
“A feeling of aversion or attachment toward something is your clue that there’s work to be done.” Ram Dass
We are going to love
Of course, we are going to love in this lifetime and it’s ok to like some things more than others. Being alive is to drink the rich tapestry of life. Love has the capacity to heal the most broken of beings and give enough strength and courage to conquer our greatest fears. Conversely, it can make us more fearful than any other feeling, because is there anything worse than the utter despair of heartbreak and grief? Love teaches us so much about ourselves – our capacity to give and receive, our triggers, our wounds and where we have work to do. But when we have undue attachment to something, it will only end in pain.
Impermanence
Some of our greatest lessons from undue attachment are that of vulnerability and the reality of this very fleeting, impermanent manifest life. The great universal deal is that everything changes: it begins, sustains for a period and ends. To believe anything else is possible is to lie to yourself. Unless you’re a vampire, nothing and no one we love is immortal. The more time we spend accepting the transient nature of life, the easier it is to let go of holding on to that which will eventually die in some way. The more comfortable we become with impermanence, the easier it will be to love without expectation. If we want to love completely, we must also be ok with losing completely. That’s no easy thing. Trust that you can love with everything you have and are resilient enough to survive the losses that are inevitable in this life.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” Hermann Hesse
Aparigraha
Love isn’t the problem, attachment to it is. Holding onto the thing outside of yourself, as though it is a life raft, is what causes suffering. To understand what true love really is, Patanjali tells us to practise aparigraha (non-grasping). To let go of the things we grip so hard to. We cling because we believe it will provide us with things it simply can’t – feelings of worthiness, permanence and certainty. Patanjali goes on to say that once we are steeped in practising aparigraha, we understand why we are here, and become so clear in the mind that we see all our past and future lifetimes. When we remove clutter from the mind, when we stop putting mental energy into holding so tightly to our possessions, we create space to see who we really are.
When the life raft becomes an anchor
We spend so much time getting the things and people we want and then even more prana (energy) clinging to them. It’s like the life raft is attached to an anchor. You may not drown, but you also have no freedom to float across the ocean and experience its vastness and beauty. Don’t hold onto what you love so tightly. There is no liberty for you or anyone you love in that state. Trust you will be ok when you let go of that life raft. You will float. In fact, you’ll dive deeper and swim further than you ever believed you could.
Let people be who they are
A practical way to work through attachment issues is to see people in layers. Let them be multi-faceted beings: imperfect, complex and shades of grey. You are not a one-dimensional character, so why would those you love be? You would want to be treated with the freedom and respect to be ever-growing and changing and so offer that up to others first. Be open-hearted, love greatly and let everyone be themselves.
“ What we have to learn, in both meditation and in life, is to be free of attachment to the good experiences, and free of aversion to the negative ones.” Sogyal Rinpoche
Desire
Attachment comes from desire. Make it your work to examine, observe and understand where your desires come from. Notice the things you hanker for and feel like you are derailed without. Alcohol, sugar, your phone – observe how you get caught in a constant state of craving one thing and then the next and the next. As an experiment, delay satiating a desire or try cutting it out completely.
Sugar was always the big one for me. I periodically cut it out to notice how challenging it was not to succumb to the constant craving for it. I felt overwhelmed without it because it was my one constant source of joy. It’s a great teacher for me in finding true, healthy, ever-lasting joy and creating more fun and fulfilment in my life that doesn’t come out of a shiny packet. The more we understand where our desires come from, the less power they will have over us and the less attached we will become.
Practice
This sequence is designed to give us a variety of movement patterns and a combination of dynamic and restorative poses to observe our preferences. As you move between poses, notice if you want to stay in certain poses longer or escape them. It also provides various mental, physical and energetic ways we can practise not grasping and surrender.
Parivrtta uttkatasana – twisted chair
Stand with feet together or hip-width apart, bend knees and shift the shins back trying to set knees over ankles. Pick the frontal hip bones up. Twist over to the right, perhaps hooking left elbow over right thigh. Take five breaths, noticing if you like or don’t like the experience as you go deeper into the twist. Come back to centre, then over to the left for five breaths. Come back to centre, then separate feet hip width if they are not already to fold forward. Catch the elbows and let the whole upper body hang and surrender. Don’t catch the toes or ankles to pull on them and observe how you feel in this pose.
Vryksasana – tree pose
Stand with feet hip-width apart and take a drishti, or focus point, down to the earth or out in front of you on the horizon. Shift weight into the right foot, turn left knee out to the side keeping a neutral pelvis and place foot on earth or on the inner thigh or leg. Notice as the right foot ties to ground, the toes may grasp the earth. Trust, ground down the four corners of the feet and relax the toes. Grow tall through the spine and set hand in anjali mudra at heart centre or reach the arms up overhead. Take five conscious breaths.
Trikonasana- triangle pose
Step feet about one leg’s distance apart. Front toes point forward, back toes turning in slightly in line with back knee. Place hand on block or shin and wrap ribs around to face the side. Notice how the toes grasp the earth and, instead, ground down the four corners of the feet and let the toes relax. Equal weight in both feet. Take five breaths and swap legs.
Anjaneyasana – crescent lunge
Step left foot back, setting right knee over heel and left hip over knee. Pick the pelvis up so you are stretching front of left hip. Stay here, or if you can, catch the left ankle. Keep lifting the pelvis up and hugging the heel towards the buttocks. Notice if you prefer the stretch at the front of the hips, the psoas line or the quad stretch in the back leg. Take a few breaths. Release the back foot, interlace fingers behind the back and climb the sternum up, turning it into a heart opener. Take a few breaths.
Take the right foot a little wider, turn the toes out and allow the knee to drop out to the side. Take a few breaths and over to the other side. Just observe how we like certain parts of a very similar movement pattern over others.
Plank pose
Shoulders over wrists, heels over balls of feet, the body in one long line. Lift shoulders out of wrists, pull the frontal hip bones to bottom ribs and firm the legs. Draw naval into spine. Take five breaths, noticing whether there is a desire to stay longer or come out of the pose.
Dolphin – pinchamayurasana
Start on all fours. Place forearms on earth, shoulder-width apart. Shoulders over elbows. Walk the feet towards the head without shoulders moving forward. Stay here or lift one leg up. Stay here or let the bottom leg float up. Take as many breaths as you can, place knees down and rest.
Janu sirsasana – knee to head pose
Extend both legs, bend right knee, let the knee fall out to the side and let the sole of the right foot snuggle up into left inner thigh. Catch left foot or use a strap around ball of foot to do so. Spin ribs over left leg and fold forward over the left leg. Let go of the foot or strap and allow the palms to face up. No pulling, no grasping, just surrender. Support right knee if you feel it in the knee at all. Take five breaths and swap sides.
Let-go meditation
Choose a comfortable seat. Sitting in a relaxed state with the spine upright, close your eyes. Bring awareness from wherever it’s been into your physical body and notice the quality of your physical body. How does the body feel? Notice the quality of the mind. And the quality of your breath. Imagine there is a piece of string at the top of your head which lifts you taller, creating space between the vertebrae. Consciously relax your shoulders down, relax the forehead, jaw and throat. Notice the breath in and out through the nostrils. Don’t modify the breath in any way, just allow it to move freely and naturally, noticing cool air moving in, warmer air moving out. As you notice the inhale, think of the word LET and as you exhale, the word GO. Inhaling LET, exhaling GO. LET GO. The mind will wander, that’s ok. That’s the job of the mind. Our role is to notice where the mind has wandered and come back to the breath. Inhaling LET and exhaling GO. Can you consciously let go of all grasping, all clinging, let it go. Surrender.
Three-part yogic breath
Lying on your back, elevate the spine on a bolster if you wish, legs extended. Relax the body and notice the breath. Place hands on the lower belly, slowly inhale breathing into the lower belly, abdomen and ribs, the whole body fills with breath, pause at the top. Exhale to let the breath go. Breathe as usual. Feel the calm and peace of letting go and not holding on to the breath. Take another five rounds. Take another five rounds of this three-part yogic breath, focusing on the ease that comes when we stop holding on to the breath and instead let it go.
